By Alba Cabrera, Intensive Recruiter at The Adoption Exchange
When I was asked to write this blog to share a story of my experience as an intensive recruiter, one of the youth on my caseload popped into my head instantly: Alexander* (Alex*). The reason Alex came to mind was because he has been on my caseload for almost three years, and I’m finally seeing some movement on his case! Also, he’s been in foster care longer than any other youth I work with – Pretty much his entire life. What’s impressed me the most about Alexander is that even though he has had difficult circumstances and not the life any child would wish for, he has such a positive attitude and is simply a joy to be around. Although Alex has had a rough life so far, he is hopeful for the future and I know he will accomplish so much!
Alex entered foster care at the tender age of one and a half, along with his biological sister Annabelle*. The children were removed due to their parent’s substance abuse issues and resultant inability to care for the children. Both Alex and Annabelle had a few kinship placements, including one outside of Utah, which unfortunately did not work out for them. The siblings came back to Utah and lived together in a couple different placements. Annabelle and Alex were placed together until the team decided that they would have a better chance of being adopted if they were split up. Not long after they were split up, Annabelle was adopted by a family here in Utah at the age of 13. Alex, however, remained in foster care and went from placement to placement.
When I started working with Alex in February of 2016, he was in a stable foster placement; he had been there for about a year at the time and his behaviors had improved tremendously. When his case was transferred to me, the previous recruiter mentioned that, at one point, Annabelle’s adoptive parents had begun the process to adopt Alex. They had even started doing visits with Alex, but the prospect of Alex being adopted by Annabelle’s family seemed to negatively affect Annabelle, and her parents decided to stop pursuing Alex’s adoption.
It was my intention to do what I could to foster a relationship between Alex and Annabelle. During my monthly visits with Alex, I would drive him to Annabelle’s house where they would get a chance to interact and spend quality time together.
When Annabelle turned 18, she decided to pack up her life and see if the grass was greener on the other side by moving in with her biological parents. Her adoptive family, although surprised by her decision, were supportive; Annabelle’s adoptive parents tried to help her biological parents as best they could. Alex struggled with Annabelle’s decision to move in with their biological parents because, according to him, “They were never good parents.” Annabelle lived with her parents for about 10 months, but things eventually went south, and she made the choice to leave. Her adoptive family welcomed her back home with open arms.
At the time, I was pursuing the possibility of a therapist adopting Alex. She was his current therapist, so she had to transfer him to another clinician. I was excited about the prospect of this leading to permanency, but the therapist ultimately decided to withdraw from the process of being considered as an adoptive parent for Alex. This was a discouraging blow, but every intensive recruiter knows that you can’t get stuck at a dead-end. As a recruiter, you must regroup and go back to the drawing board to identify other options.
Even while I was pursuing the therapist as a possibility, I always had Annabelle and her family in the back of my mind. It would be ideal if Annabelle’s family adopted Alex; however, with everything Annabelle had been through, I wanted to give her and her family some time to focus on each other. After some time, I decided to reach out to Annabelle and her mom to see if they would be okay with me facilitating visits with them again, and this time Annabelle agreed enthusiastically. The siblings picked up where they left off, and it was nice for Alex to be connected to his sister again.
Alex is qualified for DSPD (services for people with disabilities), which are lifelong services. There had been other recruiters in my office who had similar cases and found someone to take guardianship of the youth, even though they may never live with them. During the summer of this year, I decided to propose that option to Annabelle’s parents. I finally got a response from Annabelle’s mom, who said she had discussed the matter with her husband and with Annabelle…and everyone was on board to move forward with either adopting or taking guardianship of Alex! I cannot tell you how happy this made me! It was the news I had been waiting for!
Alex turned 18 in September. I continue to facilitate visits with him, Annabelle, and now Annabelle’s family as well. A memorable visit was on Alex’s birthday, when Annabelle’s entire family got together to celebrate with pizza, cake, and ice cream. I asked Alex if he wanted me to drop him off and pick him up later or if he wanted me to stay. He said to me, “Alba, you need to stay and celebrate with us!” So I did. It was so nice to watch him celebrate his birthday with his sister and her family, which will hopefully soon be his family, too.
The most difficult part of being a recruiter is that nothing is set in stone; things can change in an instant. If for whatever reason Annabelle’s family is not able to provide permanency for Alex, at least they will be an informal support system in his life to help him navigate the world. Obviously, my goal is for Annabelle’s parents to adopt Alex, and that’s what I will continue to work towards – Stay tuned!
*Name has been changed to maintain confidentiality