By Ellie, youth adopted from foster care in 2018

My name is Elizabeth. For the first 16 years of my life, I bounced around different homes within my biological family and had many different caregivers. I was in residential placements, I was made promises by different people–only for them to not follow through with those promises. I was abused, I was bullied in school and at home, and I didn’t seem to fit in anywhere I went. At 16, I entered the foster care system where I gained a professional support system, many of whom seemed to really care about me, but I still endured many treating me as if I was not worth being loved. Even people who were supposed to make me feel safe bullied me and didn’t accept me for who I am. When I came into custody, I continued to struggle with the trauma that I have faced. I struggled in school. I struggled with relationships because I truly believed I didn’t deserve to be happy.

I often wondered why I had to go through the things I did, why I was so unlovable, why people always treated me horribly, why I didn’t have this “normal” life I watched others have. I lost hope. I didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere and didn’t feel like I deserved happiness. I wanted a permanent family. Someone who would accept me, who would support me, who would love me unconditionally, and give me the things that every child and youth needs. When my team asked me if I wanted to try and find a permanent family, inside I wanted it so much because we all need positive and permanent people in our lives. But I was 16, and I thought, “Who would ever want to adopt a 16 year old? No one has stuck through anything with me. Why would they think someone would now?” I felt like it was a waste of everyone’s time, but I agreed to it. And that is when things really changed for me.

We didn’t find my family overnight; it took time and work, even on my part. My caseworker and recruiter had to have hope for me when I really thought they were just wasting their time even trying to find a family. Who would ever want me? But they never lost hope, because they knew I deserved to have the support a family brings. There was a lot I learned about others and myself during this process of finding my permanent family. I learned that it doesn’t matter what my age, gender, or sexuality is; I still deserve to be loved and have someone there for me. I was taught that someone can love you, even if they aren’t constantly with you. I was taught to trust. I was taught that not everyone is bad, and that kids like me have a chance of finding a family with people who love you at your worst. I was taught that you never know what positive effect you really have on people.

I met my family long before I knew they would be my family. My mom and dad volunteered at a shelter placement during a time I was staying there. They made an impression on me and I, apparently, on them. Little did I know, they went through the process of becoming foster and adoptive parents because they wanted to try and provide me a permanent family. I have now been living with my family for almost a year, and my life is better and easier because I have them by my side constantly. I have experienced things I never would have without them, I have worked through difficult experiences, I am doing amazing in school and will graduate with my diploma. All of this because, for the first time in my life, I have people who believe in me and love me.

I know how it feels. I know how terrifying this journey is, how emotional it is, how hard it is. I know what it is like to feel hopeless. I am here to tell you that while the journey is still difficult, it gets better. I know that, because I am here today with a family who has shown me unconditional love. Not every day with my family is perfect. We have bad days, I still question why they would want to adopt me, I try to push them away, I still have to deal with the intense difficult experiences I faced for 16 years. But having my family has made it easier. The bad days aren’t as intense because now I am not alone. No matter what I have thrown at my parents, they continue to stick this out with me, and every day they prove to me that I am worthy of unconditional love, that I am worthy of having a happy life. And so are you! It may not feel like it, but from one youth who KNOWS the pain that you know: You are worthy of being loved, you are worthy of having happiness in your life, you are worthy of having hope, you are worthy of having a family.

November is National Adoption Month! If you’re interested in adoption, you can learn more about the process and how to get started here.